Phone for the fish knives, Norman
   As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
   And I must have things daintily served.

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Are the requisites all in the toilet?
   The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
   And switched on the logs in the grate.

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It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
   But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
   So do come and take some with me.

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Now here is a fork for your pastries
     And do use the couch for your feet;
I know that I wanted to ask you-
    Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

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Milk and then just as it comes dear?
   I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
    With afternoon teacakes and scones.

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scones  - pronounced either scOnes or scons - a heavy O in the south of England and a light o in the midlands and north. Of course, for rhyming you have to use the heavy O in this poem.  John Beteman was born and grew up in London, in the south of England.  I come from the Midlands, so it's scons (scones) for me.

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